I Need You

I realised that I'm not proving to you that I love you. So this is what I'm gonna do.

I am not letting you go this easy. Hell no. You've been a part of my daily life. Everywhere I go, everything I do reminds me of you. Every single moment that you're not here, I feel something missing. What makes me think that I can forget you? What makes me thing that I can let you go that easy? What makes you think you can move on with your life without me? What makes you think they can stop us from loving each other?

I'm going to prove to you that everything's gonna change. You want the old me. I want the old you too. So let's start afresh. Since you're having national exams next month, I'll stop my shit. I'll be the old self that you want. I still have so much plan to do with you. I need you to stay.

Don't worry about those girls out there. I don't see any of them like how I look at you. You're the most beautiful I've seen. You're still the bucuk-but-wangi girl that I love to smell. You're still beautiful when you just woke up with your messy hair. You're still the sexiest when you sleep. Most important, you're the only woman that I love with all my heart.

I just don't want any 'cinta 3 segi' if we're back together. It makes much more complicated in the future. I really need you to understand this. BUT if I'm wasting my time, tell me.

I don't want you to make the wrong decision for leaving me again. I need another chance to prove to you that I'm worth it.

ps. I love you. I trust you but I'm still a little paranoid that he'll fall for you.

Its Officially Over, I Hope Not.

So its has been a roller coaster ride of the both of us. But its now all over for us. Its sad to end it this way. How much I hold on to you, all those pain I felt. All that times just went down the drain.

When its at the top, it feels like we're really on top. Laughing our ass off and stuff. The truth is I feel different with you when you're happy. Yes, its nice to see you smiling widely. But there's something that hit me hard and I always covered my tears away. "Mak kau giler", punching me, cursing and swearing. It has always makes me feel I'm like him.

Maybe this is why I treated you different lately. I'm trying my best to throw that habit away. I really want this to last. Maybe you too change in someways. You have more friends now. Its not like how we used to. We used to have time for each other. Yknow, we used to meet at any day, any time cause it was just us against the world. Sadly, it has changed.

I was wrong for saying I've got something on with another. I just wanted to ignore and see if you really think I'm like other guys. It was just a normal couple fight. You cried and told your friends that I cheated. Now they believe that and they hated me for hurting you. They didn't know that sometimes, in fact everytime I'm hurt by your actions. They know nothing.

There's this guy who wants you to stop getting hurt. He's trying to change your lifestyle. I shouldn't have fight for you cause it got much worst. I should have let you go. Let you be happy. I'm really a burden to you, that's what your friends think. I can't have hopes that we'll be back together cause your friends don't like it and you're listening to what they say.

Give him a chance. He can treat you right. I love you and will always do. #FG

Life's Cruelty II

This has got to stop. Bullying.

It has come to a certain point that I had enough of people stepping on my head. I've been tolerating this since I was a kid. My parents controlled my life till I was at the age of 15. I was kept out from the wild. I lived under the rock. Not knowing the people around me, how they behave, what kind of people are there. They just made me study my ass every single day. All my life was just books. So I was outdated about teenage life. I hated school cause everyday, there's always this person who made me his slave. Following everywhere he went, scared the shit out of me. None knew about this until today I let this out. Everybody in school called me "Dan Kental". Even that name was on everyone's contact list.

I tried to blend in. Thinking that I would get respect if I were more cooler. And luckily it did. The bullying stops. But the thought of me being "kental" was still there cause I was different. I'm sensitive, weak, too kind.

Till this day, I'm still "kental" in everyone's eyes. I was too kind to everyone. Did their favour, once I had enough, tried to stood for my rights, everyone pissed off, I became sensitive and then I was weak. So standing for my rights didn't do any favour for me.

For an instant, today. Me and her argued on twitter. Yes, I do admit I'm spamming's everyone's timeline. Then there's this guy getting all pissed off cause he's irritated. So I tweeted, "You're welcome to unfollow, that goes out to everybody". Its so simple, just click the unfollow button but he became all pissed off at me, wanna act as if he want's to beat me up. So I gave him my address, came down and talk. But I was too weak to win him. I didn't let out everything. Kept quiet and lost.

These are some of the reasons why I like to be alone. So I don't feel left out. This is my life. Always sad deep down.

Life's Cruelty

Yes, I am back. Cause there's no other way I could express my feelings to. I tried on twitter, but failed. I felt everyone's irritated with my tweets. And yes, eventhough you say "My tweet, my say", there's still people who'll get annoyed. Tumblr on the other hand. I can't express how exactly I feel. Tumblr is where I show my needs. What I want in life, mostly what kind of girls I do want. I'm not an asshole. I just want her to know that being skinny isn't a problem cause I really like skinny girls.

So, there's no way I really could tell my shits to. I've got nobody to rely on. No shoulders to lean on. Cause I can't trust anyone yet. I tried to have friends, treated them special. But I didn't get the same treatment. I felt lonely. I felt I was nobody to everyone, that includes my family.

Parents don't even know their son. They didn't know how I feel. Every time when I'm home, I'll be in my bed. Bottling up my problems, my feelings, my tears. They'll be watching TV with their favourite son and I'll be in my room talking to myself.

I had a girl who I loved all my heart out. After almost 2 years knowing each other, she left me last year for another guy. My world crushed. She was all I had. She went around with another guy while I'm in my room crying my heart out for months. The pain was unbearable. Till one night I told myself that its time to move on.

There she was, after 7 months waiting, she came back. And I open my heart for her. How could I forgot all the pain that she caused? I told myself, everybody makes a mistake and needs a second chance.

2 months later.

I was back to being alone. Nobody was beside me, not even her. Too busy with studies and friends while I'm here hoping to meet her everyday after work. No matter how tired I was, she's still my number 1. Things happen and it was over. She assumed that I had another. She made a fuss at twitter. And I was blamed for that. Because of this, I lost a lot of friends.

I realised everyone has this one person to talk to. I was born to be alone. Just like my dad. Perfect.